I had another great, only in New York day, I get to the subway and see my train just arrived, so I run down the stairs and slip in some puddle of miscellaneous liquid on my way into the train.  I get in the train and notice it smells like a nasty bum that’s been pissing all over himself.  I look around to try and see who he is and get away, but I can’t find him.  About three minutes later it’s clear to me from the smell and the looks I’m getting from everyone around me, that the person who smells like bum piss is me, and the liquid I fell in was not rain water…  So I’m carrying home my pants and jacket in a plastic bag I stole from the lab right now.  I had to go buy new pants because the smell was too nauseating.  I’ve washed my hands like ten times, but I’m still phantom smelling the bum piss.  Now I gotta hope that smell can be removed from those pants and jacket when I get home…  I swear, only in New F’in York.

This city blows.

A guy tried to mug me yesterday to steal my iPod while I was on the subway.  Bastard suckerpunched me in the face, but wasn't able to wrestle my iPod from me...

I did not get mugged in LA.

So if anyone reads this anymore, which I wouldn't cause God only knows when the next update comes...

Rachel and I are married now.

Also we're moving to New York in about two months.

So my parents are meeting Rachel's tomorrow night. That should be fun. And for the life of me I can't get this song by the Nails out of my head. Its tough to find these days legally. But I feel its pretty accurately the story of my life and my many conquests.

88 Lines About 44 Women

Deborah was a Catholic girl
she held out till the bitter end
Carla was a different type
she's the one who put it in
Mary was a black girl
I was afraid of a girl like that
Susan painted pictures
sitting down like a Buddha sat

Reena was a nameless girl
a geographic memory
Cathy was a Jesus freak
she liked that kind of misery
Vicki had a special way
of turning sex into a song
Kamela, who couldn't sing,
kept the beat and kept it strong

Xylla was an archetype
the voodoo queen, the queen of wrath
Joan thought men were second best
to masturbating in a bath
Sherry was a feminist
she really had that gift of gab
Kathleen's point of view was this
take whatever you can grab

Seattle was another girl
who left her mark upon the map
Karen liked to tie me up
and left me hanging by a strap
Jeannie had a nightclub walk
that made grown men feel underage
Mary Ellen, who had a son,
said I must go, but finally stayed

Gloria, the last taboo
was shattered by her tongue one night
Mimi brought the taboo back
and held it up before the light
Marilyn, who knew no shame,
was never ever satisfied
Julie came and went so fast
she didn't even say goodbye

Rhonda had a house in Venice
lived on brown rice and cocaine
Patty had a house in Houston
shot cough syrup in her veins
Linda thought her life was empty
filled it up with alcohol
Katherine was much too pretty
she didn't do that shit at all

Pauline thought that love was simple
turn it on and turn it off
Jean-Marie was complicated
like some French filmmaker's plot
Gina was the perfect lady
always had her stockings straight
Jackie was a rich punk rocker
silver spoon and a paper plate

Sarah was a modern dancer
lean pristine transparency
Janet wrote bad poetry
in a crazy kind of urgency
Tanya Turkish liked to fuck
while wearing leather biker boots
Brenda's strange obsession
was for certain vegetables and fruit

Rowena was an artist's daughter
the deeper image shook her up
Dee Dee's mother left her father
took his money and his truck
Debbie Ray had no such problems
perfect Norman Rockwell home
Nina, 16, had a baby
left her parents, lived alone

Bobbi joined a New Wave band
changed her name to Bobbi Sox
Eloise, who played guitar,
sang songs about whales and cops
Terri didn't give a shit
was just a nihilist
Ronnie was much more my style
cause she wrote songs just like this
Jezebel went forty days
drinking nothing but Perrier
Dinah drove her Chevrolet
into the San Francisco Bay
Judy came from Ohio
she's a Scientologist
Amaranta, here's a kiss
I chose you to end this list.

88 lines about 44 women

-The Nails